Started Radiation about 1 1/2 weeks ago. Thought I was doing so well. Still walking 3 miles every morning, shopping, cleaning the house, playing with grand kids and then yesterday came. Felt like I hit a brick wall. Did not sleep well last night, nauseated today, have not been able to eat much, just laid around all day. I feel like such a waste.
Even though I struggled yesterday and today and I still have 2 1/2 weeks left at higher doses, I have felt comfort from my Heavenly Father. I know HE is watching over me. I am grateful for HIM and HIS Son, who understand every thing in our lives.
I hope I learn quickly what it is I am suppose to learn.
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
Getting Rid of Evil
Today, as I was studying my scriptures, I was in the book of Alma , chapter 30. You all know the story, and if you don't go get a Book of Mormon and read it. It is the story of Korihor, the anti-Christ. Here is how the story goes basically, and just to make sure you understand, I am not directly quoting, this is what it says to me.
The Nephites are doing pretty good, there has been no contention in the land for a little while, but some of them are starting to think they don't need the Lord anymore, all because they have been so blessed. ( does this sound a little like our day, when all is going well, we forget the Lord). So along come Korihor, and man oh man does he know how to work the people. He starts telling them exactly what they want to hear. Basically, do what you want, there is no Christ, stop believing the prophets and those who follow them. EAT, DRINK & BE MERRY. Well a lot of the Nephites like what they hear, so Korihor gets a lot of followers. So he decides he has had so much success in Zarahemla, he will see how it goes in other cities. Well the next city he visits is the city where the Anti Nephi Lehi's are or the people of Ammon. The city of Jershon. Now this is the part that really caught me and I will discuss it more in a minute. They don't even listen to him, they tie him up and throw him out of the city, so he goes onto the land of Gideon, well they start to listen, and then they also tie him up, but they take him to the High Priest, who is also the Chief Judge. Well he has quite a talk with him and good old Korihor is pretty bold and basically tells Alma ( High Priest) that Alma and all the prophets and believers don't know what they are talking about. So he and Alma discuss and Korihor finally says, "Show me a sign", So Alma tells him that if it is the Lords will that Korihor will be struck dumb. And Korihor is struck dumb. So of course that is not what he wanted, so he finally admits( in writing now, because he can't speak) that he was deceived by Satan and he always knew there was a God. Then he writes down and ask Alma to ask the Lord to take away the curse, well Alma leaves it up to the Lord, and Korihor is left without speech, He becomes a vagabond and finally dies. So the end of the Anti-Christ.
Now the part that really struck me today starts in Alma 30:19 - 21. "Now this man went over to the land of Jershon also, to preach these things among the people of Ammon, who were once the people of the Lamanites.
But behold, they were MORE WISE than many of the Nephites: for they took him , and bound him, and carried him before Ammon, who was a high priest over that people.
And it came to pass that he caused that he should be carried out of the land............."
What made the people of Ammon "More Wise". I thought about that and I thought of all the things going on in the world today. All of the different voices trying to get our attention, from within the Church and outside of the Church. I thought of all the times I have NOT been "more wise" and listened to some of those voices and got caught up in things that led me away from the Gospel. Things that made it so the Holy Ghost could not be with me. The times when I have been deceived by Satan.
I decided that what made the Ammonites "MORE WISE", was that they immediately took Korihor to the Church leader, in their land, and basically said, this guy is trying to deceive our people and we won't have it. In other words "SATAN GET THEE HENCE" They refused to listen to Korihor, instead they listened to the still. small, quiet voice of the Holy Ghost and not only listened, but obeyed.
There was another, in Galilee, that was also tempted by Satan, and he said very loudly " SATAN, GET THEE HENCE" HE recognized that the voice of the world, is NOT the voice of the Lord and HE followed and obeyed. And because HE did, we all can repent, make changes in our own lives, Choose not to listen to the voices of the world and say very loudly Satan Get Thee Hence.
We can be "MORE WISE", just like our Savior, Jesus Christ, the Ammonites and countless others throughout the history of the world, who Chose to Follow the Lord and not the voices of the world. It is not always easy, but when we do make that choice, it is always right, because the Lord will NEVER deceive us. HE will only lead us back to HIM.
I am so grateful that HE made that choice for me, to finish HIS Atonement, so I can repent and make the changes necessary in my life, to FOLLOW HIM AND BE MORE WISE.
May we all 'BE MORE WISE" about the voices we CHOSE to listen to.
The Nephites are doing pretty good, there has been no contention in the land for a little while, but some of them are starting to think they don't need the Lord anymore, all because they have been so blessed. ( does this sound a little like our day, when all is going well, we forget the Lord). So along come Korihor, and man oh man does he know how to work the people. He starts telling them exactly what they want to hear. Basically, do what you want, there is no Christ, stop believing the prophets and those who follow them. EAT, DRINK & BE MERRY. Well a lot of the Nephites like what they hear, so Korihor gets a lot of followers. So he decides he has had so much success in Zarahemla, he will see how it goes in other cities. Well the next city he visits is the city where the Anti Nephi Lehi's are or the people of Ammon. The city of Jershon. Now this is the part that really caught me and I will discuss it more in a minute. They don't even listen to him, they tie him up and throw him out of the city, so he goes onto the land of Gideon, well they start to listen, and then they also tie him up, but they take him to the High Priest, who is also the Chief Judge. Well he has quite a talk with him and good old Korihor is pretty bold and basically tells Alma ( High Priest) that Alma and all the prophets and believers don't know what they are talking about. So he and Alma discuss and Korihor finally says, "Show me a sign", So Alma tells him that if it is the Lords will that Korihor will be struck dumb. And Korihor is struck dumb. So of course that is not what he wanted, so he finally admits( in writing now, because he can't speak) that he was deceived by Satan and he always knew there was a God. Then he writes down and ask Alma to ask the Lord to take away the curse, well Alma leaves it up to the Lord, and Korihor is left without speech, He becomes a vagabond and finally dies. So the end of the Anti-Christ.
Now the part that really struck me today starts in Alma 30:19 - 21. "Now this man went over to the land of Jershon also, to preach these things among the people of Ammon, who were once the people of the Lamanites.
But behold, they were MORE WISE than many of the Nephites: for they took him , and bound him, and carried him before Ammon, who was a high priest over that people.
And it came to pass that he caused that he should be carried out of the land............."
What made the people of Ammon "More Wise". I thought about that and I thought of all the things going on in the world today. All of the different voices trying to get our attention, from within the Church and outside of the Church. I thought of all the times I have NOT been "more wise" and listened to some of those voices and got caught up in things that led me away from the Gospel. Things that made it so the Holy Ghost could not be with me. The times when I have been deceived by Satan.
I decided that what made the Ammonites "MORE WISE", was that they immediately took Korihor to the Church leader, in their land, and basically said, this guy is trying to deceive our people and we won't have it. In other words "SATAN GET THEE HENCE" They refused to listen to Korihor, instead they listened to the still. small, quiet voice of the Holy Ghost and not only listened, but obeyed.
There was another, in Galilee, that was also tempted by Satan, and he said very loudly " SATAN, GET THEE HENCE" HE recognized that the voice of the world, is NOT the voice of the Lord and HE followed and obeyed. And because HE did, we all can repent, make changes in our own lives, Choose not to listen to the voices of the world and say very loudly Satan Get Thee Hence.
We can be "MORE WISE", just like our Savior, Jesus Christ, the Ammonites and countless others throughout the history of the world, who Chose to Follow the Lord and not the voices of the world. It is not always easy, but when we do make that choice, it is always right, because the Lord will NEVER deceive us. HE will only lead us back to HIM.
I am so grateful that HE made that choice for me, to finish HIS Atonement, so I can repent and make the changes necessary in my life, to FOLLOW HIM AND BE MORE WISE.
May we all 'BE MORE WISE" about the voices we CHOSE to listen to.
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
Gratitude in all things, good and hard
Started Radiation this week. It has not been to bad, but today really made me realize how very blessed I am.
When I came out of Radiation, Alan was waiting for me and he was talking to a young man that had been one of our Young Adults, in the Singles ward that Alan was the Bishop of before we left on our mission.
I was surprised to see Jeff Winegar there talking to Alan, and as we talked, I ask what he was doing there at Huntsman Cancer Institute, I ask if he was there for Radiation also. He replied that he was there for Chemo Therapy, He had already had Radiation and his first set of Chemo and surgery. This was a little sobering. Jeff is only 26 years old, he has a wife and a little girl. He has Colon Cancer.
My heart ached for him and his little family. He is so young. As I have looked around both Huntsman Cancer Centers, I have noticed a lot of young men and women there for treatments. There lives are just getting started and they are having to deal with such hard struggles.
As we visited with him and learned more about what he had already been through, I felt so bad that he had to go through this.
I am not so young any more, I have had a wonderful life to this point and I still have a wonderful life. Heavenly Father has been so good to me and I am so grateful. I could not imagine what Jeff and his family must be going through and yet he had a great attitude. He was so grateful for his blessings.
I think that sometimes we can get caught up in ourselves and we forget that others are suffering also. We complain, whine and murmur, we forget that ALL things give us experience, both the good things and the hard things we have to go through. It is our own "Custom Curriculum" from a very loving Heavenly Father. You see HE know us better then anyone and HE knows exactly what each of us needs to experience in this life, so that we will be prepared and worthy to come back home and live with HIM again. HE knows what we need and HE never leaves us, even though sometimes we may be wondering if HE is aware of what we are going through. I think HE weeps with us when we struggle, I think HE laughs with us when we are happy.I KNOW HE watches over us as we go through this mortal life, and helps all HE can, sometimes that help comes in the form of allowing us to struggle, but HE is still watching over us and cheering us on. There is a poem called the race that I love. It goes like this:
Quit!” “Give up, you’re beaten!” they shout at me and plead,
When I came out of Radiation, Alan was waiting for me and he was talking to a young man that had been one of our Young Adults, in the Singles ward that Alan was the Bishop of before we left on our mission.
I was surprised to see Jeff Winegar there talking to Alan, and as we talked, I ask what he was doing there at Huntsman Cancer Institute, I ask if he was there for Radiation also. He replied that he was there for Chemo Therapy, He had already had Radiation and his first set of Chemo and surgery. This was a little sobering. Jeff is only 26 years old, he has a wife and a little girl. He has Colon Cancer.
My heart ached for him and his little family. He is so young. As I have looked around both Huntsman Cancer Centers, I have noticed a lot of young men and women there for treatments. There lives are just getting started and they are having to deal with such hard struggles.
As we visited with him and learned more about what he had already been through, I felt so bad that he had to go through this.
I am not so young any more, I have had a wonderful life to this point and I still have a wonderful life. Heavenly Father has been so good to me and I am so grateful. I could not imagine what Jeff and his family must be going through and yet he had a great attitude. He was so grateful for his blessings.
I think that sometimes we can get caught up in ourselves and we forget that others are suffering also. We complain, whine and murmur, we forget that ALL things give us experience, both the good things and the hard things we have to go through. It is our own "Custom Curriculum" from a very loving Heavenly Father. You see HE know us better then anyone and HE knows exactly what each of us needs to experience in this life, so that we will be prepared and worthy to come back home and live with HIM again. HE knows what we need and HE never leaves us, even though sometimes we may be wondering if HE is aware of what we are going through. I think HE weeps with us when we struggle, I think HE laughs with us when we are happy.I KNOW HE watches over us as we go through this mortal life, and helps all HE can, sometimes that help comes in the form of allowing us to struggle, but HE is still watching over us and cheering us on. There is a poem called the race that I love. It goes like this:
Quit!” “Give up, you’re beaten!” they shout at me and plead,
“There’s just too much against you now, this time you can’t succeed.”
And as I started to hang my head in front of failure’s face,
My downward fall is broken by the memory of a race.
And hope refills my weakened will as I recall that scene.
For just the thought of that short race rejuvenates my being.
A children’s race, young boys, young men; now I remember well.
Excitement, sure, but also fear; it wasn’t hard to tell.
They all lined up so full of hope. Each thought to win the race
Or tie for first, if not that, at least take second place.
And fathers watched from off the side, each cheering for his son,
And each boy hoped to show his dad that he would be the one.
The whistle blew and off they sped, as if they were on fire
To win, to be the hero there, was each boy’s desire.
And one boy in particular, his dad was in the crowd,
Was running near the lead and thought, “My dad will be so proud.”
But as he speeded down the field, across the shallow dip,
The little boy who thought to win lost his step and slipped.
Trying hard to catch himself, his arm flew out to brace,
And ‘mid the laughter of the crowd, he fell flat on his face.
So, down he fell, and with him, hope. He couldn’t win it now.
Embarrassed, sad, he only wished he’d disappear somehow.
But, as he fell, his dad stood up and showed his anxious face,
Which to the boy so clearly said, “Get up and win the race!”
He quickly rose, no damage done, behind a bit, that’s all.
And ran with all his mind and might to make up for the fall.
So anxious to restore himself, to catch up and to win,
His mind went faster than his legs. He slipped and fell again.
He wished he had quit before with only one disgrace.
“I’m hopeless as a runner now, I shouldn’t try to race.”
But, in the laughing crowd he searched and found his father’s face.
That steady look that said again, “Get up and win the race!”
So, he jumped up to try again, ten yards behind the last;
“If I’m to gain those yards,” he thought, “I’ve got to run real fast!”
Exceeding everything he had, he regained eight or ten,
But trying so hard to catch the lead, he slipped and fell again.
Defeat! He lay there silently, a tear dropped from his eye.
“There’s no sense running more. Three strikes, I’m out…why try?”
The will to rise had disappeared, all hope had fled away.
So far behind, so error-prone, a loser all the way.
“I’ve lost, so what’s the use?” he thought, “I’ll live with my disgrace.”
But, then he thought about his dad, who soon he’d have to face.
“Get up,” an echo sounded low, “Get up and take your place.
You weren’t meant for failure here; get up and win the race.”
With borrowed will, “Get up,” it said, “You haven’t lost at all,
For winning is no more than this–to rise each time you fall.”
So up he rose to win once more. And with a new commit,
He resolved that win or lose, at least he wouldn’t quit.
So far behind the others now, the most he’d ever been.
Still, he gave it all he had, and ran as though to win.
Three times he fallen, stumbling, three times he rose again.
Too far behind to hope to win, he still ran to the end.
They cheered the winning runner, as he crossed the line, first place,
Head high and proud and happy; no falling, no disgrace.
But, when the fallen crossed the finish line, last place,
The crowd gave him the greater cheer for finishing the race.
And even though he came in last, with head bowed low, unproud,
You would have thought he won the race, to listen to the crowd.
And to his dad, he sadly said, “I didn’t do so well.”
“To me you won,” his father said, “You rose each time you fell.”
And now when things seem dark and hard and difficult to face,
The memory of that little boy helps me in my race.
For all of life is like that race, with ups and downs and all.
And all you have to do to win is rise each time you fall.
“Quit!” “Give up, you’re beaten!” They still shout in my face,
But another voice within me says " Get up and Win the Race"
And as I started to hang my head in front of failure’s face,
My downward fall is broken by the memory of a race.
And hope refills my weakened will as I recall that scene.
For just the thought of that short race rejuvenates my being.
A children’s race, young boys, young men; now I remember well.
Excitement, sure, but also fear; it wasn’t hard to tell.
They all lined up so full of hope. Each thought to win the race
Or tie for first, if not that, at least take second place.
And fathers watched from off the side, each cheering for his son,
And each boy hoped to show his dad that he would be the one.
The whistle blew and off they sped, as if they were on fire
To win, to be the hero there, was each boy’s desire.
And one boy in particular, his dad was in the crowd,
Was running near the lead and thought, “My dad will be so proud.”
But as he speeded down the field, across the shallow dip,
The little boy who thought to win lost his step and slipped.
Trying hard to catch himself, his arm flew out to brace,
And ‘mid the laughter of the crowd, he fell flat on his face.
So, down he fell, and with him, hope. He couldn’t win it now.
Embarrassed, sad, he only wished he’d disappear somehow.
But, as he fell, his dad stood up and showed his anxious face,
Which to the boy so clearly said, “Get up and win the race!”
He quickly rose, no damage done, behind a bit, that’s all.
And ran with all his mind and might to make up for the fall.
So anxious to restore himself, to catch up and to win,
His mind went faster than his legs. He slipped and fell again.
He wished he had quit before with only one disgrace.
“I’m hopeless as a runner now, I shouldn’t try to race.”
But, in the laughing crowd he searched and found his father’s face.
That steady look that said again, “Get up and win the race!”
So, he jumped up to try again, ten yards behind the last;
“If I’m to gain those yards,” he thought, “I’ve got to run real fast!”
Exceeding everything he had, he regained eight or ten,
But trying so hard to catch the lead, he slipped and fell again.
Defeat! He lay there silently, a tear dropped from his eye.
“There’s no sense running more. Three strikes, I’m out…why try?”
The will to rise had disappeared, all hope had fled away.
So far behind, so error-prone, a loser all the way.
“I’ve lost, so what’s the use?” he thought, “I’ll live with my disgrace.”
But, then he thought about his dad, who soon he’d have to face.
“Get up,” an echo sounded low, “Get up and take your place.
You weren’t meant for failure here; get up and win the race.”
With borrowed will, “Get up,” it said, “You haven’t lost at all,
For winning is no more than this–to rise each time you fall.”
So up he rose to win once more. And with a new commit,
He resolved that win or lose, at least he wouldn’t quit.
So far behind the others now, the most he’d ever been.
Still, he gave it all he had, and ran as though to win.
Three times he fallen, stumbling, three times he rose again.
Too far behind to hope to win, he still ran to the end.
They cheered the winning runner, as he crossed the line, first place,
Head high and proud and happy; no falling, no disgrace.
But, when the fallen crossed the finish line, last place,
The crowd gave him the greater cheer for finishing the race.
And even though he came in last, with head bowed low, unproud,
You would have thought he won the race, to listen to the crowd.
And to his dad, he sadly said, “I didn’t do so well.”
“To me you won,” his father said, “You rose each time you fell.”
And now when things seem dark and hard and difficult to face,
The memory of that little boy helps me in my race.
For all of life is like that race, with ups and downs and all.
And all you have to do to win is rise each time you fall.
“Quit!” “Give up, you’re beaten!” They still shout in my face,
But another voice within me says " Get up and Win the Race"
Each time we struggle and fall, our Father in Heaven is watching, and saying, get up, you can do this and we can.
I love HIM, I am so grateful for all my blessing, good and hard
I know that HE is cheering all of us on. He knows we can do this, so let us have the Faith in HIM to do it.
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25
Sunday, April 6, 2014
Faith and Hope
It is an interesting thing, the feelings you go through when returning from a mission. For 18 months to 2 years ( for us it was 2 years minus 4 days) you spend every single day focused on serving the Lord. You work so hard at having the spirit with you so you can do HIS work, you pray to be led to the people you are suppose to help come unto HIM, you work tirelessly from the time you get up to the moment your head hits the pillow at night, you know you are not wasting the time the Lord has given you. You are part of miracles, your prayers are answered, you grow and grow and grow and then you come home.
For the first month you are so tired( for me I am still tired, but my Dr.'s tell me that is the bodies response to trying to heal itself) you wonder how in the world you ever did what you did every single day, and you know it is because HE helped you because you were doing HIS work. Then you try to get back into a routine of life and then you realize just how much HE has been a part of your life for the last 2 years and that with that release as a missionary, also came a release of that constant help and you feel so lost. You want to continue to serve every moment, but now you must focus on the day to day routine of life. It is hard, you realize that even though you were dead tired everyday, and there were many nights you fell to sleep while saying your prayers( I like to think that rather then chastising me, the Lord smiled down on those nights and had a very forgiving heart), it was actually easier then coming back to what some may call the "real" world. For me the "real" world is the world where we never forget who we are and why we are here, and spend all the time focused on the Lords work. Missionary Life was easier because you don't worry about the things of the world, you know the Lord is taking care of your family, so you don't worry about them, You know that because you are so focused on HIS work, HE is taking care of things back home and you have peace. You don't have to worry about anything but what you can do for HIM that day. I miss that.
Not that I don't ask each morning in my prayers what HE needs me to do today, but the problem lies in the fact that I ask and then get so busy with things that I don't listen to the Holy Ghost and follow through.
I have loved conference this weekend, the spirit has been so strong for me. I wondered if it would be as strong as it had been in the mission field, where we received conference on a DVD, 2 to 3 weeks after and listened to it with the wonderful people we were serving in a small Church, or an open Noss. I am grateful that I have felt the spirit here.
I have been looking back at my life, my whole life, ( when you get a life threatening illness you tend to ponder those things) and I wonder if I failed at what I was sent here to do. And then I wonder if it is to late to accomplish all I am suppose to do while on this earth. I thought a lot about the parable of the Talents and I think maybe I have not used my few talents wisely. I wonder if it is to late to use them to build the Kingdom of God. I read my Patriarchal Blessing and I don't think I have accomplished very much of what it tells me I am suppose to. Do you every feel like you may have wasted the life the Lord gave you? I DO. So I strive each day to be better and as I listened to Conference, I recognize even more things I need to change in my life, if I am going to do what I was sent to this earth to do. Sometimes, I feel so bad that I did not stick with the program better, been a better influence for good to others.
That is where my Faith has to come in and I have to leave it up to the Lord. I know that the Atonement of my Savior, Jesus Christ, is so much more then the forgiveness of my sins, transgressions and weaknesses. I know HE understands me perfectly and I know HE will give me experiences to help me grow into what I am suppose to, so when that time comes that I leave this earth, if I have done my best and repented when I failed, HE will do the rest.
I hold onto that Hope and Faith in HIS Atonement.
As I listened to conference one of the talks said, it is never to late. That gave me peace, I can still make the changes in my life that I need to, so I am worthy to walk into HIS loving arms and have HIM say "Well done, thou good and faithful servant" But I must do my part.
We can all make those changes in our lives, if we CHOOSE to. It is not easy, but I CHOOSE to strive my hardest. I don't want to fail HIM. HE did not fail me in Gethsemane and on Calgary.
For the first month you are so tired( for me I am still tired, but my Dr.'s tell me that is the bodies response to trying to heal itself) you wonder how in the world you ever did what you did every single day, and you know it is because HE helped you because you were doing HIS work. Then you try to get back into a routine of life and then you realize just how much HE has been a part of your life for the last 2 years and that with that release as a missionary, also came a release of that constant help and you feel so lost. You want to continue to serve every moment, but now you must focus on the day to day routine of life. It is hard, you realize that even though you were dead tired everyday, and there were many nights you fell to sleep while saying your prayers( I like to think that rather then chastising me, the Lord smiled down on those nights and had a very forgiving heart), it was actually easier then coming back to what some may call the "real" world. For me the "real" world is the world where we never forget who we are and why we are here, and spend all the time focused on the Lords work. Missionary Life was easier because you don't worry about the things of the world, you know the Lord is taking care of your family, so you don't worry about them, You know that because you are so focused on HIS work, HE is taking care of things back home and you have peace. You don't have to worry about anything but what you can do for HIM that day. I miss that.
Not that I don't ask each morning in my prayers what HE needs me to do today, but the problem lies in the fact that I ask and then get so busy with things that I don't listen to the Holy Ghost and follow through.
I have loved conference this weekend, the spirit has been so strong for me. I wondered if it would be as strong as it had been in the mission field, where we received conference on a DVD, 2 to 3 weeks after and listened to it with the wonderful people we were serving in a small Church, or an open Noss. I am grateful that I have felt the spirit here.
I have been looking back at my life, my whole life, ( when you get a life threatening illness you tend to ponder those things) and I wonder if I failed at what I was sent here to do. And then I wonder if it is to late to accomplish all I am suppose to do while on this earth. I thought a lot about the parable of the Talents and I think maybe I have not used my few talents wisely. I wonder if it is to late to use them to build the Kingdom of God. I read my Patriarchal Blessing and I don't think I have accomplished very much of what it tells me I am suppose to. Do you every feel like you may have wasted the life the Lord gave you? I DO. So I strive each day to be better and as I listened to Conference, I recognize even more things I need to change in my life, if I am going to do what I was sent to this earth to do. Sometimes, I feel so bad that I did not stick with the program better, been a better influence for good to others.
That is where my Faith has to come in and I have to leave it up to the Lord. I know that the Atonement of my Savior, Jesus Christ, is so much more then the forgiveness of my sins, transgressions and weaknesses. I know HE understands me perfectly and I know HE will give me experiences to help me grow into what I am suppose to, so when that time comes that I leave this earth, if I have done my best and repented when I failed, HE will do the rest.
I hold onto that Hope and Faith in HIS Atonement.
As I listened to conference one of the talks said, it is never to late. That gave me peace, I can still make the changes in my life that I need to, so I am worthy to walk into HIS loving arms and have HIM say "Well done, thou good and faithful servant" But I must do my part.
We can all make those changes in our lives, if we CHOOSE to. It is not easy, but I CHOOSE to strive my hardest. I don't want to fail HIM. HE did not fail me in Gethsemane and on Calgary.
Friday, April 4, 2014
True Friends
Tonight I talked to a wonderful lady I met on Pohnpei, her name is Cathy Ross. She had moved there from Maui, and after a year ended up leaving suddenly because of health issues. When Cathy got back to Maui, she found out that she had colon cancer, stage 3. She ended up flying to San Diego for surgery and all went well. That was a year ago. Tonight she called to talk to me, to let me know she was concerned and loved me.
Cathy and I are so different, we come from 2 completely different worlds, yet we were blessed with a chance meeting on Pohnpei, that turned into a friendship. We have taught each other many things, and even after she left Pohnpei, we kept in touch through e-mails and Facebook.
When she called tonight I knew she called because she really cared, not out of guilt, not out of phoniness, not to sooth her own conscience, but because she is a true friend. She sincerely cared that I am going through this new experience at this time and she wanted to lend her support. Thank You, Cathy, what a sweet thing to do. It meant a lot to me.
I also heard from another far away friend this week, or maybe it was last week, they all seem to run together lately. J.W. Lisowski, JW lived by me many years ago in South Jordan, we were only neighbors for a few short years, but she taught me so much, and she taught my kids to always keep trying and never give up. JW lives back east now, and we have talked very infrequently over the years since she moved. but even with not keeping in regular touch, she sent me a message of hope and encouragement when she heard that I had cancer. I knew that she meant it and it so touched my heart. Thank You, JW.
So many friends have sincerely reached out to me, friends that I see often, friends that I have not seen for years, friends that are far away, ( Thanks Sam, in Guam for your messages), but true friends. Some are family, some are the family I choose even though we are not in any way related. I am so grateful for all of them, near and far that are such a support at this time. It means so much to me, and my family.
I believe the Lord puts people in our path because they will help us be a better person through our experiences with each other. It is the strength I feel from each of you that gets me through the tough days. Thank you so much.
Radiation starts this coming Tuesday, here is to a whole new experience for the next 4 to 5 weeks. Thank you for helping me hang in there everyone. May you be blessed in your own lives for the blessing you are in mine.
Cathy and I are so different, we come from 2 completely different worlds, yet we were blessed with a chance meeting on Pohnpei, that turned into a friendship. We have taught each other many things, and even after she left Pohnpei, we kept in touch through e-mails and Facebook.
When she called tonight I knew she called because she really cared, not out of guilt, not out of phoniness, not to sooth her own conscience, but because she is a true friend. She sincerely cared that I am going through this new experience at this time and she wanted to lend her support. Thank You, Cathy, what a sweet thing to do. It meant a lot to me.
I also heard from another far away friend this week, or maybe it was last week, they all seem to run together lately. J.W. Lisowski, JW lived by me many years ago in South Jordan, we were only neighbors for a few short years, but she taught me so much, and she taught my kids to always keep trying and never give up. JW lives back east now, and we have talked very infrequently over the years since she moved. but even with not keeping in regular touch, she sent me a message of hope and encouragement when she heard that I had cancer. I knew that she meant it and it so touched my heart. Thank You, JW.
So many friends have sincerely reached out to me, friends that I see often, friends that I have not seen for years, friends that are far away, ( Thanks Sam, in Guam for your messages), but true friends. Some are family, some are the family I choose even though we are not in any way related. I am so grateful for all of them, near and far that are such a support at this time. It means so much to me, and my family.
I believe the Lord puts people in our path because they will help us be a better person through our experiences with each other. It is the strength I feel from each of you that gets me through the tough days. Thank you so much.
Radiation starts this coming Tuesday, here is to a whole new experience for the next 4 to 5 weeks. Thank you for helping me hang in there everyone. May you be blessed in your own lives for the blessing you are in mine.
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Perspective
A lot of things have changed in my life in the last few months. Many people would never notice what those changes are, but I have. I have had a lot of time to think about this life and what my purpose is. It is changing the way I look at things and I am not afraid to speak up for what is right in the Lords eyes, not man;s.
Now this has made several people not to happy with me, but I learned a lesson a long time ago, from a man that was very wise at the time, my father. I had come home from a mutual activity, when I was a teenager, upset about some things that had happened, I had taken a stand for what was right, and my friends got mad at me, not just my friends, but some of my leaders. As I sat on my bed that night, my father knocked on my bedroom door and came in. He knew what had happened, because it had happened at the Church and he was the Bishop at the time. He listened to me, and then he said to me, and I still can hear his voice " Mel, you need to remember just one thing. It does not matter what others think of you as long as you are square with the Lord, no one else's opinion matters"
To a 16 year old girl, just trying to fit in, those words did not give much comfort, maybe the Lord was pleased with me, but it was not getting me friends here.
As the years have passed by, I have had many instances when I have remembered my fathers words. I have had many more experiences in somewhat the same situation. I was doing what was right, what the Lord wanted me to do, and someone else got mad because I was. Each time, I have asked myself this question " Am I square with the Lord?", many times the answer has been yes, but sometimes, my reaction to what others thought of me ended up being more important then what the Lord thought of me. Of those times, I am profoundly ashamed that I worried more about opinions of this world, then the opinion of my Father in Heaven and His Son, my Savior, Jesus Christ. I wish I could go back and change those moments in my life, but I can't, so I have repented and now I must depend on the Atonement of Jesus Christ, to make up for what I can't.
In the last 7 months, I lost my mother, I returned ( reluctantly) from serving a mission with my husband for the last 2 years( that we loved), I had a joyful reunion with my family, found out I have cancer, started treatments for that, lost a nephew this last week, was blessed with a new grandson. So many changes, it has been a little bit of an overwhelming adjustment. But I am making it, only with the help of that man, whose opinion is the only one that really matters, The Lord.
Over the last several weeks, I have been in several conversations about different things going on in the church right now, especially issue's that women in the church seem to be having. I have watched it displayed across the news, listened to many opinions and I have decided to take a stand, so the Lord knows where I stand on at least 1 or 2 of these issues.
The one I want to specifically address on this post, is the "Ordain Women" movement. What I am about to say, may not be very popular with some of you, I make no apologies, I will now and forever take the Lords side, I have learned, especially in the last 2 months, that life is way to short to turn against the Lord and His ways. None of us knows when our time on this earth is through and we can't waste time being on the wrong side. Because in reality, there are only 2 sides the LORDS and Satan's............
Do we not understand that in God's eyes, NOT THE WORLDS, we are equal with HIS sons. We will get all that HE has, the same as HIS sons, if we keep our covenants. NOTHING will be held back. HE loves HIS daughters just as much as HE loves HIS sons.
We all have different responsibilities, GO READ THE PROCLAMATION ON THE FAMILY, One responsibility is not more important than another. Men are responsible to hold the Priesthood, Women are responsible for the bearing and nurturing of the rising generation. I don't see any men screaming because they don't get to have the babies.( but I think after they watch their wife's go through it, they really don't want to, sometimes we don't ether)
Now to many, they will say, well I have no children, or they think that the raising of the rising generation in righteousness is not important. To GOD our responsibilities as women are just as important as men's responsibility in the Priesthood. The problem is, we have listened to the worlds view to much on what makes us all important. The world has pretty much said that to be a " Mommy" is nothing. To stay at home and raise children in righteousness means we are worth nothing. And we were stupid enough to buy into this. Remember that is the worlds view, not the Lords. I am not the best mother in the world, but I am grateful that the Lord trusted me enough to let me try my best. What would have happened if Pres. Monson's Mom had decided that she wanted the praise of the world rather then raise her son in righteousness?
Sisters, we are raising the future leaders of GODS Kingdom, not the worlds. We must seek and do this HIS way, not the way the world says we should. We do not have to be a mother to do that. We all have children, teens, younger friends in our life's that we must step up and be a righteous example for. GODS example, not the worlds.
Satan is very smart, he knows us just as well as our Father knows us, he knows what buttons to push to make us think less of ourselves then we are. Satan knows that if he wants to stop the rising generation from rising in righteousness, all he has to do is go after the women in the Church and he has, with both barrels loaded. He is attacking women at every corner, in every aspect in our lives. We must step up, stand firm and yell as loudly as we can, " GET THEE HENCE", We must Stand in Holy Places AND BE NOT MOVED. No matter what the world thinks of us, we must be more concerned about what GOD thinks of us, because when all is said and done, HIS opinion is the only one that matter.
Sisters, lets get back our eternal perspective, all that seems unfair and is unfair in this world, will be made right, I know that is not much comfort to those that think they need everything now, but we must find that Faith that we have lost, and Trust in Gods timing, not the worlds.
It was once said that the women in the Church were the strength, well that is changing, women lets find that Strength again, but let us find it doing Gods will, and not try to find it looking for the applause of the world.
As the world moves farther and farther away from the Lord, we will have to be stronger and stronger in standing for what is right, not popular. We must be women of God, and to do that we must ask ourselves, daily, hourly, every minute if necessary, " Am I Square with the Lord", and where we are lacking, let us humble ourselves, and repent and turn back to HIM. HE will not force any of us back, it will always be our choice. If we choose to follow what the world says is important to make ourselves feel better, then in the end we will be told we can not enter. We can't serve God and man. We must choose.
I don't need the Priesthood to know HE loves me more then I love myself. I Trust HIM, I know that HE will make everything right in the end and for now, That is all I need to know.
Now and forever, I CHOOSE THE LORD.
Now this has made several people not to happy with me, but I learned a lesson a long time ago, from a man that was very wise at the time, my father. I had come home from a mutual activity, when I was a teenager, upset about some things that had happened, I had taken a stand for what was right, and my friends got mad at me, not just my friends, but some of my leaders. As I sat on my bed that night, my father knocked on my bedroom door and came in. He knew what had happened, because it had happened at the Church and he was the Bishop at the time. He listened to me, and then he said to me, and I still can hear his voice " Mel, you need to remember just one thing. It does not matter what others think of you as long as you are square with the Lord, no one else's opinion matters"
To a 16 year old girl, just trying to fit in, those words did not give much comfort, maybe the Lord was pleased with me, but it was not getting me friends here.
As the years have passed by, I have had many instances when I have remembered my fathers words. I have had many more experiences in somewhat the same situation. I was doing what was right, what the Lord wanted me to do, and someone else got mad because I was. Each time, I have asked myself this question " Am I square with the Lord?", many times the answer has been yes, but sometimes, my reaction to what others thought of me ended up being more important then what the Lord thought of me. Of those times, I am profoundly ashamed that I worried more about opinions of this world, then the opinion of my Father in Heaven and His Son, my Savior, Jesus Christ. I wish I could go back and change those moments in my life, but I can't, so I have repented and now I must depend on the Atonement of Jesus Christ, to make up for what I can't.
In the last 7 months, I lost my mother, I returned ( reluctantly) from serving a mission with my husband for the last 2 years( that we loved), I had a joyful reunion with my family, found out I have cancer, started treatments for that, lost a nephew this last week, was blessed with a new grandson. So many changes, it has been a little bit of an overwhelming adjustment. But I am making it, only with the help of that man, whose opinion is the only one that really matters, The Lord.
Over the last several weeks, I have been in several conversations about different things going on in the church right now, especially issue's that women in the church seem to be having. I have watched it displayed across the news, listened to many opinions and I have decided to take a stand, so the Lord knows where I stand on at least 1 or 2 of these issues.
The one I want to specifically address on this post, is the "Ordain Women" movement. What I am about to say, may not be very popular with some of you, I make no apologies, I will now and forever take the Lords side, I have learned, especially in the last 2 months, that life is way to short to turn against the Lord and His ways. None of us knows when our time on this earth is through and we can't waste time being on the wrong side. Because in reality, there are only 2 sides the LORDS and Satan's............
Do we not understand that in God's eyes, NOT THE WORLDS, we are equal with HIS sons. We will get all that HE has, the same as HIS sons, if we keep our covenants. NOTHING will be held back. HE loves HIS daughters just as much as HE loves HIS sons.
We all have different responsibilities, GO READ THE PROCLAMATION ON THE FAMILY, One responsibility is not more important than another. Men are responsible to hold the Priesthood, Women are responsible for the bearing and nurturing of the rising generation. I don't see any men screaming because they don't get to have the babies.( but I think after they watch their wife's go through it, they really don't want to, sometimes we don't ether)
Now to many, they will say, well I have no children, or they think that the raising of the rising generation in righteousness is not important. To GOD our responsibilities as women are just as important as men's responsibility in the Priesthood. The problem is, we have listened to the worlds view to much on what makes us all important. The world has pretty much said that to be a " Mommy" is nothing. To stay at home and raise children in righteousness means we are worth nothing. And we were stupid enough to buy into this. Remember that is the worlds view, not the Lords. I am not the best mother in the world, but I am grateful that the Lord trusted me enough to let me try my best. What would have happened if Pres. Monson's Mom had decided that she wanted the praise of the world rather then raise her son in righteousness?
Sisters, we are raising the future leaders of GODS Kingdom, not the worlds. We must seek and do this HIS way, not the way the world says we should. We do not have to be a mother to do that. We all have children, teens, younger friends in our life's that we must step up and be a righteous example for. GODS example, not the worlds.
Satan is very smart, he knows us just as well as our Father knows us, he knows what buttons to push to make us think less of ourselves then we are. Satan knows that if he wants to stop the rising generation from rising in righteousness, all he has to do is go after the women in the Church and he has, with both barrels loaded. He is attacking women at every corner, in every aspect in our lives. We must step up, stand firm and yell as loudly as we can, " GET THEE HENCE", We must Stand in Holy Places AND BE NOT MOVED. No matter what the world thinks of us, we must be more concerned about what GOD thinks of us, because when all is said and done, HIS opinion is the only one that matter.
Sisters, lets get back our eternal perspective, all that seems unfair and is unfair in this world, will be made right, I know that is not much comfort to those that think they need everything now, but we must find that Faith that we have lost, and Trust in Gods timing, not the worlds.
It was once said that the women in the Church were the strength, well that is changing, women lets find that Strength again, but let us find it doing Gods will, and not try to find it looking for the applause of the world.
As the world moves farther and farther away from the Lord, we will have to be stronger and stronger in standing for what is right, not popular. We must be women of God, and to do that we must ask ourselves, daily, hourly, every minute if necessary, " Am I Square with the Lord", and where we are lacking, let us humble ourselves, and repent and turn back to HIM. HE will not force any of us back, it will always be our choice. If we choose to follow what the world says is important to make ourselves feel better, then in the end we will be told we can not enter. We can't serve God and man. We must choose.
I don't need the Priesthood to know HE loves me more then I love myself. I Trust HIM, I know that HE will make everything right in the end and for now, That is all I need to know.
Now and forever, I CHOOSE THE LORD.
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